Most
mornings I can be found walking/jogging around the city streets, at the gym
working out with Caryn or swinging at central park… So this morning when I
slept in, Argentina was surprised to see me in the kitchen. She comes in at
6:00 am to cook for our Nicaraguans who work through the day instead of going
home for lunch. We greeted each other and talked for a minute. I said I slept
in and planned on spending some extra time with my Lord. Argentina agreed that
rest and prayer are a good thing. So I went back to my room, it’s attached to
the kitchen.
I
often hear the phrase “quiet time” used when friends are referring to the
one-on-one-time they spend with God. That is what I was going for this morning.
Time to process lots of mixed up emotions and thoughts in my head, time to give
thanks for the many blessings of the last few days, time to just read and
listen to the words of our Father. Well… when I closed my door, Argentina’s
voice rang out as she too was spending time with God. However, she was singing.
Not so quietly. I love her and the believers here because they rarely sing
quietly. Sometimes it’s almost yelling in church. One of our song leaders often
says, “Let’s sing, not yell. Soft. Smooth,” before some of the melodic songs.
And being “on key” normally isn’t a thing here either…
I will
admit; I put headphones in as I started to read and pray. I’m sorry dear
sister. I just couldn’t. But I’ve taken them out now and your
praises are accompanying my writing. Thank you for your heart. Thank you for
your spirit that is constantly giving glory to our Lord!
“Bring
Me all your feelings, even the ones you with you didn’t have. Fear and anxiety
will plague you. Feelings per se are not sinful, but they can be temptation to
sing. Blazing missiles of fear fly at you day and night; theses attacks from
the evil one come at you relentlessly. Use your shield of faith to extinguish those flaming arrows. Affirm your
trust in Me, regardless of how you feel. If you persist, your feelings will
eventually fall in line with your faith.
Do not
hide from your fear or pretend it isn’t there. Anxiety that you hide in the
recesses of your heart will give birth to fear of fear: a monstrous stepchild.
Bring your anxieties out into the Light of My Presence, where we can deal with
them together. Concentrate on trusting Me, and fearfulness will gradually lose
its foothold within you.”
-Jesus Calling, Sarah Young (July 19th)
Yes,
I am aware that it’s not July. Just go with it.
I
read the right passage for today and that’s all we need to know.
The
last few days my mind, body and spirit have been battling against something
that I couldn’t name. So that first line about “all your feelings,” yeah, I
have a lot of undefined feelings. They are feelings that are unwanted because
they are causing me to doubt. I still don’t have names for all of them but I
think I’m beginning to… fear of being inadequate, loneliness, frustration when
I can’t finish something ontime, exhaustion, stress from a brain that couldn’t
make sense of what I was feeling, sadness because watching baby Christians grow
is hard, like all babies they crawl forward then fall back as they try to walk…
As the
names started coming, I started getting more and more scared. I do not like having these emotions at the
top of my list of how I feel. I can see Satan hiding behind the mango tree
(side note: the yellow ones are about to be in season!!). He’s waiting to see
how many more “flaming arrows” need to head my way to have me down. Friends. He
is good. I mean his actions are bad, but he is smart and sneaky. I didn’t
realize how much I had let down by guard and taken of part of my armor because
I was not ready for the battles of the last couple weeks.
“Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his
might. Put
on the whole armor of God, that you
may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against
flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present
darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.
Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in
the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In
all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish
all the flaming darts of the evil one; and
take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word
of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and
supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, and also for me, that words may be given to me in opening my mouth
boldly to proclaim the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in
chains, that I may declare it boldly, as I ought to speak.” Ephesians 6:10-20
Dear Lord, Please help us find and fit all
your armor today. Thank you for your constant presence fighting beside of us.
Thank you for the fellow saints that fight with us. Please let us hear your
voice of TRUTH as we put out the lies of the devil. Father, give us boldness to
ask for help with our armor and with our Spirit when we are lacking. Thank you
for your light that guides us and wraps us in your love. In Jesus’ Almighty
name, Amen.
